TwoByTwo

by Shane Whisler

Grammer was the featured speaker at the event, which was sponsored by OneByOne, an organization that ministers to "those who are in conflict with their sexuality."

But before one can offer such care, he added, "You need to have the right motivation, and that's not listed in the (OneByOne pastoral manual). The wrong motivation is to say, 'We're going to help those poor homosexuals.'"

The right motivation includes a recognition of one's own brokenness, gratitude for a sense of healing, and a desire to share that healing with others, said Grammer, whose own ministry mirrors that of OneByOne.

Grammer went on to say that there are four kinds of relationships that help people: Nurturing, Mentoring, Peer, and Family. He related part of his own story to illustrate a mentoring relationship.

He said his youth pastor supported him, "discipled" him and got him involved in activities with other boys in the church - but Grammer didn't reveal at the time that he was struggling with same-sex attraction. Nonetheless, the mentoring relationship was helpful to him.

"I didn't like playing softball, but he knew I needed just to hang out with guys," Grammer said. "I never had before, because guys rejected me. I hung out with girls because they didn't reject me."

Being a Christian doesn't automatically mean that you know how to love well, he said, but it does mean putting a high priority on learning to do so.