Welcome, 216ers: to the ONE little corner of this otherwise auspicious gathering dedicated solely to whimsy. In this spot SAR (please, please, not to be confused with the virus of a similar name) will endeavor to produce a smile, a chortle, or even an occasional guffaw. If you see or hear something at the good ol' 216th that tickles your funny bone, come to the Communication Center and tell Jerry Van Marter.

The longest Friday...

'No Smoking' section: One Assembly participant who stayed in the Sheraton Airport Hotel, just across the street from Philip Morris USA headquarters, was shocked a few nights ago when she turned down the bedcovers and discovered a pack of smokes. Now, SAR is accustomed to finding chocolates under his hotel pillow - but if this is a trend, he'll have to start shopping for hotels near local breweries.

And a long, strange trip it's been: No, not the good ol' 216th; SAR's talking about the extraordinary Chip Andrus, whose "sending" music late Thursday night was the Grateful Dead's "Uncle John's Band." SAR, who's got a tie-died soul, never thought he'd live to hear this sacred music during GA. Thanks, dude!

Run for your life...

Leader of the Pack Dept.: One of the fittest of the fit, Allison Seed, who finished third in the walking category in the Board of Pensions 5K, had a fit when she discovered that the race results printed in this rag (General Assembly News) DID NOT! include her category. SAR couldn't agree more: He lobbied for the publication of the top 20 finishers in each group - having come in 19th in the "male runners over 50" competition.

SAR hoped to run his age, but wasn't old enough. As I told the BOP's Frank Maloney, the reason I run I'd rather run 5K than play golf is that's it's easier to score my age - 58. Not easy enough. After my stretching exercises - dancing the night away at the Witherspoon Party - I revised my target number upward to .466. Shattered that record.

No cell phones. SAR didn't hear a single one go off during the whole ordeal. I'd intended to strap mine to my chest, on vibrate, to act as low-tech and -budget pacemaker, but I forgot .

So I followed a guy with "Carpe Viam!" printed on the back of his t-shirt. Finally figured out, after two or three Ks, that it means "Seize the nitroglycerin tablets!"

Actually, I just made that up. But I was close. It's the motto of a group called the Dead Runners Society, fans of the film, "Dead Poets Society," in which a prep-school club adopts the motto, "Carpe diem" ("Seize the day.") The runners' motto actually means (in Latin), "Seize the road."

In Committee

The hurrier I go, the behinder I get: After watching several committees fall behind in their dockets, SAR recalls a great line at the pre-Assembly conference by Frances Taylor Gench. Noting the considerable amount of time Jesus spent praying in the Gospel of John, Gench cited a scholar who commented, "Wordy is the Lamb. " WWJD? Probably not belabor fine points into post-midnight committee meetings. SAR needs his rest!

A Calvinist by any other name.Dept: Keith Geckeler, the stated clerk of Whitewater Valley AND a minister, is highly enough regarded enough in polity circles that SAR thinks it was a bit of overkill for him to sign a request to the Advisory Committee on Constitution "Keith Geck elder ." A typo (Item 0512, page 2 of the Sunday, June 27 General Assembly News)? You be the judge.

Not exactly a David Letterman Top 10 List Dept: In the #6 committee report, we are told that the National Council of Churches does its work in FIVE commissions in FIVE program areas. Look it up (in the Sunday, June 27 General Assembly News): SIX program areas are listed. Its on 06-07, page 4 and 5.

Wisdom we have

The Lipitor for lunch bunch: SAR thanks the three moderator candidates for an extraordinary evening of faith and eloquence Saturday evening, but is kind of relieved Rick Ufford-Chase came out on top after visiting the hospitality booths earlier in the day and being plied by the McKechnie camp with almond pralines and by the Ptomey supporters with Goo-Goo Clusters. Shhhh, don't tell the Health Ministries gang.

A blast from the past: Which reminds SAR of the Wichita GA, where a stall in a hotel men's room had a sign reading "Out of Order," above which an obviously Presbyterian patron had added the words "Decently and."

Words of wisdom from Elder Alan Steilberg, a member of Crescent Hill Presbyterian Church in Louisville: "I pray that when all is said and done, we can say this was a 'Generous Assembly."' May it be so.

"What's in a name?"

SAR's been studying up on you, gang of 765. You come from all 50 states and Puerto Rico, as well mission sites around the world. Many habitats are represented-two Hills (Jim and Larry) and one Berryhill (Barbara), two Halls (Brian and Denise), one Beach (Anne) and one Bay [(s) Neil], one Wood (Frank) and one Field [(s) Joe], and no less than three Parks (Paul, Sungman and Mimmie Beth).

Audubon revisited: When Rick Ufford-Chase named Jean Peacock his vice-moderator, SAR scurried to the 216th participants list to see if an aviary theme could be detected. Here's what we found: we have two Jays (Boone and Olson), one Robyn (Hale), one Hawk (Darcy), three Fowlers (Lewis, Norman and Val) and one Quackenbush (Catherine).

SAR also detected a nautical theme: a Poole (Allan), a Waters (George) and two Brooks (Claire and Rufus), therein to Wade (Donald) and get Damp (Clara), trolling for Herring (Lynn) and Bodfish (Errol).

Searching the heavens, we find a Morningstar (Amanda) and a Moon (Matthew), with a special bonus for kids' books lovers-a Goodnight (William)

Presbyterian history? No problem. We have a Calvin (Crump) and a Witherspoon (Sarah).

We are a colorful lot (in more ways than one), with a Black (Jeffrey), a Lavender (Kelley), two Greens (Antoinette and John), two Whites (Carolyn and Stephen), and seven Browns (Carol, Chris, Edward, David, Kelsy, Marshall and Muriel).

There are some gaps. We have an East (Lou) and a West (Jon), but no North or South. We have a Rich (Judy), but no Poor. We have Snow (Timothy) and Winters (Alice), but no Summer, Spring or Fall. We have Sherwood (McKay), but no Forest.

After all, how can an Assembly go wrong that has Call (Donna), a Pastor (Alexander), A Jesus (Perez-Ferrer and yeah, I know it's "Hay-Zoos), an Elder named Elder (James), Love (Jane), a Sunday (Lelia), a Pentecost (Michael), a King (AnnRose -Oh, are we ever inclusive!), a Christians (Wil) and TWO Crosses (Ann and Peggy) complete with Blood (Rebecca)?

Spel-chek: A scrawl in a men's room stall near the GA Communication Center reads "Johnny loves Mildrid." Now, before Johnny goes and has something engraved for his love, will someone please tell SAR if you've ever seen the name spelled "Mildrid"?

Finally, the commish most likely to have traveled here by automobile (all the way from Dunedin, Florida) - Vicki ByRoade.