GA06079

OneByOne luncheon

Two tell of their struggles concerning homosexuality

by Bill Lancaster

BIRMINGHAM, June 18 — Two people who had struggled with homosexuality in themselves or their families spoke to a Saturday lunch gathering of OneByOne, an organization dedicated to a ministry of the transforming grace of Jesus Christ for "those who are in conflict with their sexuality."

Mike Goeke, executive vice president of Exodus International, told the group of his saga with homosexuality. He said he married in 1995, was active in his law practice and was "carrying a deeply rooted secret."

"I was battling homosexual feelings and desires," Goeke said. "I was a Christian, raised in a strong home and church, and I did not want to be gay."

He said "simply saying no" worked for only so long, because "the feelings were exploding inside me." Goeke found a book that encouraged him to separate from his wife and leave a note on the door. "I did so, and moved out," he said. "I pursued the gay life with gusto."

His wife Stephanie would not give him a divorce and "my friends and family did not cut me off," he said, although they did not affirm his lifestyle.

Because his parents had continued to love him, he went to their house in 1997. "I remember vowing to divorce my wife. My father gave me a book, You Don't Have to be Gay. It is a terrible title to read on the airplane," Goeke said, eliciting laughter from the group.

"Gay theology had sold me a picture of Jesus' love that was saccharine and showed a Jesus who only wanted to stroke my brokenness." His father's book showed him a Jesus "who loved me and died on a cross for me. His love compelled me to repent."

Goeke said he asked himself, "How can I go back into the closet? How can I be married to a woman? I heard simply, 'I love you.'

Goeck said he prayed to be attracted to women. "I wanted God to zap me with change. The process of healing drew me to the Lord. Like Paul, I prayed for God to remove this thorn. God's way was so much better. I knew if I submitted to God, he would fulfill his promise of abundant life, and he truly did beyond what we could have imagined.

"Our marriage is so much better than we could have imagined on our wedding day. He put an amazing desire in my heart for her."

The other speaker was Nancy Heche, a trained counselor and therapist, as well as a college speaker and mother. In 1983, with her husband in the hospital, she was told by a doctor that her husband was dying of AIDS.

"This betrayed a 25-year-old secret," said Heche, who had no idea her husband had been having homosexual relationships. She said she was crushed and angry that this had happened to her good Christian family.

Then in 1997, "My youngest daughter called to tell me, 'I have fallen in love — with a woman.' I had no clue. These two events are etched on my heart forever. Many of you have heard these words from a family member or friend: 'I am gay.' It is so hard."