January 1, 2004

Dear Friends,

It has been almost three years already since I came as a mission volunteer to the Presbyterian College and Theological Seminary in Seoul, Korea. I was born and raised in Seoul, Korea, till I was sixteen when my family and I immigrated to the States. So, unlike other missionaries, it was not all that difficult to make a commitment to come here. I speak the language. I am familiar with the culture, even though I still experience the culture shock here from time to time. Besides, I already have some friends in the seminary because I was here for a semester as an exchange student in 1999 while in the master’s of divinity program at the Columbia Theological Seminary. I felt it would be a great opportunity to broaden my ministerial experience and learn about Korean churches before I start full-time ministry in the States.

Since my position had been vacant for a year and the work had been piled up in dust, I was welcomed by the seminary not necessarily as a “missionary” but rather as someone who speaks English. My work primarily involves handling English correspondence, translating and interpreting, and processing and assessing application forms of international applicants for the graduate school, and teaching English conversation courses. The seminary kept me pretty busy, but the work itself was and is not all that exciting. Soon an identity crisis came up. What am I doing here? Translating and writing simple letters day after day? Certainly I was not doing what a traditionally defined missionary would do. Occasionally I missed home and the comfort in the States. Yet, I was pretty content overall. Thinking that I would go back home in the States, be ordained, and do a full-time parish ministry after serving a two-year term, I was able to manage being homesick and the discomfort. Six months after my arrival, I started to do children’s ministry at a local church on weekends. Then, I realized that what I really missed was teaching and preaching the Word of God to children. It was demanding, but helped me continue to see myself as a minister.

Establishing a family does not take much, but keeping the family well is surely a “mission.” My husband, Seong Joo, had been widowed with an 11-year-old daughter for nine years before he met me. I thought it would be nice to be a mother to a motherless child, and I trusted Seong Joo for his 100 percent support. But that only proved how naïve I was. Suddenly I became a wife and a working step-mom, living in a multi-cultural family. My stepdaughter Hee Seong was friendly yet stubborn. Since she grew up with her grandparents in a different city while Seong Joo was studying in Seoul, she was terribly pampered. And Seong Joo was a sweet daddy, protective of his poor little girl who had been growing up without a mother.

How challenging and demanding it was for me! It seemed like a mission impossible, working out the marriage with a child. How many nights had I wept my pillow, praying in tears for God’s guidance and wisdom. It was so stressful that I probably would have given it up if I hadn’t been a PC(USA) missionary. My identity as a missionary played a big role then.

Then, I got pregnant. How excited and grateful I was when I found out that I was pregnant. But soon the pregnancy turned out to be the hardest experience for me. Bleeding started, and the doctor told me not to have hope so high. Morning sickness was terrible. I wasn’t able to eat or drink at all. Even the smell of water made me throw up. I had to give up teaching at the seminary and at the church which I enjoyed the most. I was in and out of the hospital, being fed intravenously. My weight dropped from 100 lbs to 85 lbs. I was a walking skeleton. Physically I was extremely drained; emotionally I was very lonely. To make it worse, the doctor warned me of a high risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome because of my age (I was 39 then). The doctor told Seong Joo and me several times to take an amniocentesis test. Knowing the test has its own risk with side effects, we asked anxiously, “What’s the purpose of the test? What happens if the test comes out positive?” The heartless doctor coldly replied, “Abort the baby! What else?” We refused to take the test and went to a different doctor immediately.

I missed home in the States. I missed my parents, relatives, and my home church. But I couldn’t share my pain and worries with them because it would worry them tremendously, too. I started to ask my close friends and fellow missionaries here for their support in prayer. My husband started to volunteer to help a shelter for the disadvantaged with Down’s syndrome in order to prepare himself just in case our baby comes to us with Down’s syndrome. Meanwhile, we trusted God who will give us strength enough to overcome any adversity that might come to us.

We decided to name the baby Daniel for a boy, and Joy for a girl. I always have liked the biblical character Daniel because he was a faithful and respectable foreigner in the land where he lived. I admire his faithfulness and courage. Knowing that my child will be living in two different cultures, too, I wanted my son to be wise, faithful, and courageous like Daniel, winning the heart of people and God. For a girl, knowing that she will certainly be our joy and wanting her to be a person who brings joy to God and others as well, I wanted to name her Joy.

Getting closer to the final stage of the pregnancy, as bleeding stopped and morning sickness subsided the baby who was under weighed before started to grow big. So big that the doctor had to deliver the baby by Cesarian section. On June 24, 2003, eleven days pass the due date, Joy was born, 8.7 lbs. So healthy and beautiful a baby can be. A few hours after Joy was born, Seong Joo received a call from a church and is now ministering full time. Joy is now six months old. She smiles a lot and loves to listen to me singing, “Jesus loves me this I know.” She sure brings joy to our family.

Raising a baby and working at the same time is surely demanding. Every bone of my body cracks every morning and night. It is, nevertheless, such a delight and joy to see her increasing in wisdom and stature everyday. My stepdaughter Hee Seong has been growing more mature since her baby sister Joy was born. I am so grateful for God’s presence in our lives and for the support from our friends in Christ.

I just learned that my term in Korea will be renewed for another two years. What will come after two years later? I do not know. But I know that whatever comes in the future, God will be with me, strengthening and guiding me. Surely all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). Maybe I will be ministering to those who have a similar family structure as I have in the future. Who knows?

Mina Chae