July 2001

Dear Friends and Family,

Following are the three winning essays submitted by high school students in Pietermaritzburg, South Africa, in response to the question "How AIDS Affects Me." The contest was sponsored by the CINDI (Children in Distress) Network and the Natal Witness. Excerpts from other essays submitted follow the winning essays. They reflect, very personally, some of the problems and difficulties children are facing as a result of the growing impact of HIV/AIDS in our country and on the continent.

For a bit of perspective, our province, KwaZulu Natal, is one of nine in the country of South Africa. We have the highest infection rates in the country, the latest figures showing that, of women who agreed to be tested at selected pre-natal clinics, over 37 percent are HIV+. The national figures state about 12 percent of the population of nearly 43 million are infected, with roughly 2,000 new infections each day. Many of us believe these figures are low, particularly in the rural areas where it’s impossible to know. People are only now beginning to die in noticeable numbers, and we’re only beginning to see the impact of the disease.

It’s a situation that staggers the mind, particularly as it continues to circle the globe, extending into China and Asia where, particularly in poverty-stricken areas, it is expected to spread like wildfire. It cannot help but affect all of us, and my hope, in forwarding this to you, is that you might hear the voices of some of those touched by it—people, children, with hopes and fears, just like us.

With blessings and love,

Cindy Easterday

The 2001 Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p. 47

How AIDS has affected me

by Lindwe (a pseudonym)

It was bright and sunny that day, the perfect day for a wedding. She was the first one of all of us to get married. We were proud. My brothers scraped every last cent from their wallets, my father wanted everything to be perfect. We were all together for the first time in years, we were a real family, united and happy. She radiated beauty and womanliness, my beloved sister had found true happiness.

I liked my brother-in-law, he looked like a good man and he treated her well. We all thought they would live happily ever after. After all, every cloud has a silver lining, right? My sister’s life has had its fair share of dark clouds, from the time when she was born and my father denied she was his, to when her mother had died in the floods of ‘95. She was a strong woman though, a real survivor. I loved her and I wanted this day to be extra special. It was. She rode out of the church with her new husband on her arm, we cheered, clapped and ullulated. It was a happy ending, so we thought.

Two months later, on a cool windy Thursday, my mother received a call. My sister’s husband was in the hospital. Nothing major, just a recurring headache. I had no reason to worry. I was reassured. But it was at that moment that I knew something was wrong. My family is always trying to protect me from things; they think just because I am the youngest, I won’t understand.

To a certain extent I don’t understand, I don’t want to understand, I should not have to understand. The worst thing was finding out. Like everyone who’s never been faced with this situation, I made fun of it. I was just commenting on how everywhere you turn, there is a warning about HIV/AIDS. I might have said something like, "Who cares how many people die of AIDS everyday, they should know better." I cringe when I think of how insensitive and blatantly cruel I was being. My mother asked me this, would I still feel the same way if someone I was close to got infected? I said I would. Then she said, "Your sister’s got it."

I was stunned. I thought about it, tried to make sense of her words, but I couldn’t let myself believe it. I felt the ground beneath my feet crumble. I wanted, I needed to cry, but I couldn’t. Instead I got angry. At her for letting his happen, at myself for loving her too much and even at God for taking my sister too soon. She would miss out on so much, and why, for what? For love?

I didn’t believe in love anymore. Everyone seems to believe that love is the answer, love conquers all. Well, let’s see it conquer this. Nothing has managed to conquer AIDS, not love, not medicine, not anything. It is love’s fault that I’m losing my sister. She means the world to me, I love her so much it hurts. I wish I could take her place. She has so much more to live for, her presence is much more valued.

This is how I felt for a long time. But then one day, it hit me, she’s not gone yet. I realised I would have to let God’s will be done if I were to keep my sanity. I had to be there for my sister, after all she was suffering more than me, I had to stand by her to the bitter end.

Looking back on my sister’s wedding day I can understand why she was glowing and radiant. Somehow she must have known that those smiles, cheers and ulluations meant she was loved. A true, uncircumstantial love that would give her the strength and reason to fight, even when things looked and seemed dark and hopeless.

I realise what my sister’s being infected with the HIV virus has taught me. It has taught me to love, in word and in deed. Me and my sister’s relationship has survived the greatest test and I am proud to say that even in death, God is with us.

The effect of the HIV/AIDS epidemic on our lives

by Lettie Mlotshwa

Oh, he lay so helplessly in his bed, his body less than half the size it used to be. His face was pure bones covered with very pale, unhealthy peeling skin, its colour, turning grey. Weak in spirit was he, as he lay there, dependent on everyone except himself.

Everyone at home was so depressed. The atmosphere in the house was so gloomy. I guess it was because of the pain he was feeling which made us all so gloomy, having to see someone who was once so energetic, so full of life, an ambitious young man, a person who would enter the room and bright smiles would light up and a tremendous help to the family, now lying so defenceless in bed, "his trouble-free spot," he used to call it. Even though outsiders used to pretend to sympathise with our family, they turned and gossiped about how he looked.

He had a very short temper. The smallest remark would affect him. He sometimes didn’t want to even see us all in the house because he felt so much pain and felt so useless. I used to stay up at night and hear him pray with so much sorrow. He always used to finish up by saying, "Lord, take my soul and release the pain and stress from my family. Guard them, Lord, and let them not suffer at all, for I release them into your hands. Amen."

Hearing those words almost every night made me feel so angry with God. How could He let this happen to our family? Take our one and only member who was educated, our bread winner, away from us? I just couldn’t understand how God could be so heartless—first my mom, then my dad. I wondered who was going next, then the sudden tragedy with my bigger brother.

My small brother and my school fees were a strain on my granny as a pensioner. My big brother’s medication was very expensive. He also had to eat nutritious food to boost up his immune system. My school fees were always overdue now that my bigger brother was sick and wasn’t helping financially, and I had to work to help buy the medication and food at home.

He was not only adored by his family but also by a lot of boys who looked up to him as a role model. He used to teach a team of boys how to play soccer, to keep them out of mischief and off the street. He was not only a brother to my small brother and I but he was a brother to every child in our community.

In everything he did he succeeded. Nothing stood in his way. He had a lot of dreams to fulfill but just too little time to do so. HIV/AIDS, how could you steal Dumsani away from us?

My brother made one mistake

by Bongi (a pseudonym)

My brother was diagnosed with HIV five years ago and he died in January this year. This came as a shock to the family. He was an honest and diligent man. He wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise his life, but he made one mistake—having unprotected sex—and this cost him his life and career.

Our family was shattered and torn apart. From then on the reality began to sink in our heads and we realised that blaming him was not going to solve the issue but it was going to make things worse. We had to change our attitudes towards AIDS victims because of what we now knew from seeing our brother. We felt the pain, the isolation, the neglect, and the anger. If only I could turn back the clock. They felt the fear and pain of losing their lives because of this dreadful disease.

He was the source of income in the family. He was a man of honesty and integrity and the thought of losing him was painful. The disappointment in the family was as clear as daylight. He was great leader amongst the community and everybody looked up to him. He was respected all over and his death was a loss to everyone.

Instead of him providing for us, we had to return the favour. We tried to keep him alive for as long as we could. Trying to find a cure, we spent all the money we had. As a family, we all came together and sold everything that we didn’t need to provide for his medication. We tried every doctor and traditional healer in town and still no cure was obtained. He just had to drink his cup until the time of his death came and all his suffering ended.

He was known for his determination and hard work. He came from a poor family background, wearing the same trouser and shirt to get through his high school years. But he did not complain. He strove to get the best education he could possibly get, eager to fulfill his dreams. He was a man of vision who knew exactly where he was going in life. He had a purpose in life. It’s so unfortunate that he was not able to fulfill it. His clock stopped prematurely. He was the rock of the family. It is such a shame that good people like him lead such short lives.

AIDS is a killer in our nation. We had brothers and sisters we loved so dearly, their dreams and hopes dashed because of this dreadful disease. They were the future economists and presidents at this country. Are we going to sit down and fold our arms and let this disease eat away our nation or are we going to stand up, get rid of our pride, and silence this misery that is in our nation? Are we conquerers or cowards? Can we actually give in to a disease when God has given us authority over everything on earth?

If the creatures of the earth obey us, how than can we be defeated by this disease? We have much more to offer to the world and a stupid disease will not stop us from achieving that. We are just as good and beautiful as any other nation. We’ve got potential. We can conquer all. We can conquer AIDS. We can win the battle.

No more AIDS, no more suffering, no more death!

After school I have to go to work to save for after my parents’ deaths. I will have to give up ever going to medical school. I am tied to my younger brother and sister.

-Trisha Grade 10

The people whom I live with discriminate against me because I am infected with HIV. They do not want to share their lives with me anymore, they do not even want to share anything with me. Some people have said that I must be killed so that I will not spread AIDS to their children. At school some of the students are not prepared to be in class with me. Sometimes the teachers gossip about me. Life is very difficult for me to live because when I go to some churches they do not want me to worship with them.

Khanyile Grade 11

AIDS is affecting our traditional culture as well. In our culture males are allowed to have more than one girlfriend and you can marry more than one wife, which is now seen as dangerous if one of your partners is not faithful.

Bongani Grade 12

I had a friend who was suffering from AIDS. He was a 15-year-old boy who liked too much sex, because he was pushed by his other friends to do it. They told him that it’s nice, relaxing, cool and that you become a man when you do it.

Nkululeko Grade 11

All around me there is despair. Instead of looking forward to the future in my country I now dread the obvious possibility that there might not even be one. Wherever I turn there are pessimists who feel the only solution is emigrations. AIDS has robbed me of my hope. AIDS has affected me to such an extent that I am no longer afraid of murderers, tyrants or even harsh criminals. I am afraid only of AIDS.

Aalia Grade 10

AIDS destroyed my Aunt’s future and taken her friends away from her and her goals, but it did not take away the love that we had for her.

Njabulo Grade 10

AIDS affects me as a South African student because my school doesn’t have enough facilities like physical science laboratories and computers. The money that should be used for schools and education is being used to help those who are infected.

Pretty Grade 11

AIDS is like a computer virus. It worms its way into the Johannesburg Stock Exchange and our economy collapses, it worms its way into the hospital dispensary and before long there is no more medicine left for the people. Private investors are no longer investing in South Africa because we cannot control this virus.

Metsi 16 years old

I don’t know whether I have AIDS or not, and I am afraid to go for a blood test. Thus I am doubtful about my health and I’ll always worry.

Innocent Grade 9

Still now I don’t know how I was infected by AIDS. Sometimes I think that I had it long time ago when we used to use one blade on all the family members.

Thandeka Grade 8

If only schools, teachers, government and parents can join together and fight this disease by providing more information and workshops about HIV/AIDS.

Penny, Grade 10

When my uncle had AIDS in 1996 we were really suffering financially and emotionally because my parents had to buy medication, he had to go to clinics and doctors and he had to eat certain types of food. He even went to Sangomas and we spent thousands of Rand on him and eventually he died.

Lunga

I dream about a world where everyone lives in harmony. I dream about a world where sick people are helped and loved by their sisters and brothers.

Ilse

I constantly ponder about how (when it’s my time to be married) I will bring up the subject of blood tests to my fiancé. I think about his reaction to my suggestion and about whether or not the outcome of the tests will make any difference. Obviously, the outcome will make a huge difference, if my partner has AIDS I will forgive him for not telling me, but I will love him so much more as I will be aware of how fleeting our time together will be.

Jessica, Grade 11

Even our parents are dying. When our parents die who is going to take care of us and give us food, take us to school? When parents die children find it hard to survive and they turn to crime. They kill for food.

Sindisiwe, Grade 10

It is also affecting me by increasing the degree of rape in South Africa because some of the South Africans are having this belief which is not true, that if you have sex with a child (virgin) you will be healed.

Goodman, Grade 11

In many cases parents have prejudiced the minds of their children against those who have the disease. Even after doctors have said that there is no danger, many school superintendents and principals have refused to admit students who are infected with the AIDS virus. Thus it is that secrecy is the watchword for many parents with HIV-infected children.

Michelle, Grade 12

The teenagers say this it’s mostly the girls who have AIDS, some say it’s the boys. According to me I feel that we are equal because you’ll never get AIDS by sleeping on your own.

Thobile, Grade 9

Children are besieged by dangerous messages—have sex, take drugs. Television and music make having sex and taking drugs look carefree and fun.

Riona, Grade 9

AIDS is having a dramatic influence on our country’s economy. More and even more precious money is being utilised to fund the AIDS awareness programmes and research. My fear is that this is going to lead to a serious backlog in national development. No development is equal to no opportunity, which in turn is equal to no employment.

Mohamed

Most of my peers do not realise how critical the situation is. They claim that AIDS education is boring, and [ask] why should they be concerned when they do not have the virus. I think the biggest problem facing my peers and myself is our African background where AIDS and sex are rarely discussed. I know that with this attitude few of us will make it to our 21st birthday without contracting AIDS.

Ntokozo, Grade 11