At any rate, I pondered the meaning
of this encounter. I had come to a point in my time in Mulanje
where I felt I had done all I could do. Although I saw the great
needs of people daily, I could not address them unless I was given
the authority to do so by the hospital. A women’s clinic
where nurses and other clinicians could be taught how to do a
proper history and exam was given verbal support, but once the
clinic was furnished, no tangible support was forthcoming. I felt
I had come to the fork in the road. I kept petitioning God to
give me my direction, but as I told Sue, He was not blurting anything
out to me.
It was a week or so later, that I decided that it was time for
me to leave Mulanje. I had been mulling this over for more than
a month, conversing with folks from PC(USA). Both Sue and the
medical director agreed I had come to an impasse. Instead of waiting
it out for ten more months with little to do, I could go back
home and look for a job, hopefully working with an underserved
population. I feel called to someplace where I can contribute.
I don’t know where that is yet, but I feel at peace with
my decision. I will be back in the United States in time for Easter.
I am comforted by the words of Thomas Merton: “My Lord
God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead
of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really
know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your
will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe
that the desire to please you does in fact please you.”
We are very Western in our thinking regarding “mission.”
You know, “mission accomplished.” We feel we have
to leave a building behind or something we can at least define.
I remember as the “angel” walked away, I added, “But
it’s always to God’s glory,” as Sue concurred.
Let us remember what is to God’s glory has nothing to do
with our egos, our plans, or our preconceived notions.
God is always about relationship, so it is in relationships,
we do so much of His work. We often don’t realize the work
we are doing. When I told a clinician I have worked with that
I was leaving, I was surprised to see how sad he looked. He will
be returning to school soon, and he tells me I have taught him
so much and influenced him in ways I wouldn’t have known.
As Christians, we have no destination except to walk our route
and then Home. Always to God’s glory. Thank you for all
your support on this leg of the journey.
Peace be with you,
Charlotte
The 2005 Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p.
337
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