Dear Friends in Christ,

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me” (Psalm 138:8). Not too many mornings ago these were the first words I read! They are my words of greeting to you, dear friends and supporting congregations. Why begin this way, you might ask? The long story will have to wait, but the shorter version of my first six months in Hohenbruch have been surprisingly (to me!?) filled with uncertainty, adjustments, and overwhelming realizations about what this new place and my new tasks mean. The move back to Germany has demanded much more energy than I anticipated, and “course” corrections along the way seem sometimes disorienting, sometimes burdensome, but must happen almost daily! I remain hopeful of the dust settling soon! Your prayers have certainly made a difference, and I covet continued support for the yet open questions related to finding an academic “home” for the research project and for organizing and using my time and energy wisely. Dividing things between parish and project and time for refreshment and rest is not proving to be easy. Taking time off is a fine art I’ve practiced way too seldom in my last years of mission service, and thus is something I need to learn. That is, I am learning what it means to be a solo pastor in a country congregation, what ambiguity means in launching a research project, and how important it is to stop and rest!

These months since November, when I last wrote, have been punctuated by worship services every first and third Sunday, by ongoing invitations to speak about my time and service in Lithuania, and by visits from friends from Berlin, California, and Klaipeda. Each week I try to call on one or two of the members of this small Reformed congregation, learn about their lives (many were refugees from Silesia, now Poland, after World War II), and each month I meet with the district pastors from this area as well as Reformed colleagues from all over the state of Brandenburg.

The research and dissertation project has begun with a few interviews, a draft outline, two visits with potential professors, and a small stab at getting an overview of 25 years of papers, files, slides, reports, and letters which the Berlin Fellowship German office amassed. Finding the right “home” for this project is going to take more effort and patience that I originally anticipated. However, I am holding fast to Psalm 138 in the face of the unexpected bumps in the road!

I am composing this letter on perhaps the most historic day in this year for Europe, and certainly for the land where I live. These first months of 2005 have been filled with memorial gatherings for the 60th anniversary of the liberation of concentration camps across central Europe, for battles fought and lives lost, and today for the end of the war in Europe. I have been moved to tears repeatedly in museums, at special exhibitions, listening to survivors of that horrific dictatorship, and I have been silenced recalling that upwards of 60 million lives were lost. In one of my first newsletters 15 years ago I think I referred to how “present” the memory of war is in this country. The trappings are still to be found, new memorial sites are being built, and with this anniversary, each day’s paper brings a new story or picture.

I visit with congregants and hear about their fleeing the eastern parts of the then German territory, of 14-year-olds being recruited and trained for fighting as late as January 1945, of the night 12 bombs fell on the fields in this village, of the death march from Sachsenhausen (the nearest camp)—prisoners driven to walk west, right past the entrance to my house. Twice in the last months I’ve been invited to participate in worship remembrance services in churches or at sites where American bombs were dropped. On both occasions, the tenor was one of remembrance, confession, and gratitude to God for 60 years of peace. These months have pressed upon my faith understanding and served to strengthen my commitment to the Prince of Peace and his work of reconciliation. What a gift it is to be here in these days.

Yes, I’ve returned to a familiar place and culture that are surprisingly confusing to me, to a task I am called to but am struggling to manage, and I am seeking to launch a research project, thinking I’d done the preparation, but finding out there is more to this than meets the eye! The days are warmer and greener and longer! However, my energy and spirit seem wearied and stretched. Without a doubt, God has brought me this far—a car, the needed pieces of furniture, and after some months of searching, a music student to play the organ on Sundays—all have all been provided! I have much to be thankful for, and at the top of the list is your support over the years! Please pray for clarity and wisdom as I try to discern how to proceed from here. Pray for this congregation and its many elderly members. Pray for the professor connection to become a reality soon! Pray for health in body and soul, for people to connect with, and for inner peace daily as I seek to be faithful to the tasks at hand.

Yours in Christ,

Jane Holslag