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We have a surprisingly amount in common, as we are both people
who are basically homebodies who love to read and keep a few close
friends. However, we enjoy meeting people from different cultures
and traveling internationally. Also we share a strong Christian
faith. Aichatou always assumed she would work for a non-profit
organization (like Doctors Without Borders) and is enthusiastic
about working in Christian service. She speaks French, Hausa,
and English and we do most of our communication in French, although
if I just don't understand, she'll switch to English. She loves
to sing and enjoys working with children and caring for the sick.
We have been able to grow our relationship through e-mail, cell
phone conversations, and text messaging and personal visits. Even
though we live in different cities, I have had many opportunities
to see her and most of my October vacation was spent in Niamey,
where we were able to do a lot together when she wasn't in class.
Actually, there is no real concept of dating here in conservative
Niger, where some marriages are still arranged and where it is
not proper for two single people of different genders to be alone
together. So, most of our dating has been done in a somewhat chaperoned
context (people are always around). It has been a challenge for
both of us, in this sense and we quickly faced questions about
what were our intentions after we started seeing each other. So,
after a long of prayer and discussion, we decided to make a commitment
to each other. Many will be surprised to learn that a four-month
engagement is considered to be a long time. The Church in Niger
recommends that the marriage take place within three months after
the engagement has been announced!
Arranging a marriage is different in Niger than in the West. I
had to send representatives to negotiate with her family for a
suitable bride price or on the exact items the groom will provide
for the bride. This amount is used by the bride's family to equip
the new home and it buys dishes, furniture, clothing for the bride,
etc. It ensures that the man can provide a proper house for the
family's daughter. Once the parties agree to the terms, a date
is set (April 19, 2003) and the family invites witnesses to make
the deal public.
So, I know this will surprise many people. I really feel that
God has brought us together and I feel, that I have really been
prepared to be with a person like Aichatou. I would appreciate
your prayers during our four months of engagement.
God Bless and Happy New Year!
Tom
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