December 31, 2004
East London

E-newsletter # 11

Dear Friends,

Our first South African Christmas was a strikingly multi-lingual, multi-cultural affair. Over four days, it included a Zulu traditional wedding, the extended visit of a Tswana-speaking family in our home, an English midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, and a Xhosa worship service on the following Sunday in a township church where the paraments were embroidered with German prayers.

Besides the familiar texts from Scripture and the universal meaning of the incarnation, this holiday had very little in common with previous Christmas celebrations in our lives. One of the few commonalities was the ritual of giving and receiving gifts.

The cutest gift we received came from 12-year-old Onalenna and her 10-year-old brother Rebaone: a string of colored lights, which they obviously considered essential for an American household. After we found the necessary extension cord and adaptor, their glitzy gift created an interesting tension with the simplicity of our flat paper “tree.” In return, the best gift received by these two youngsters from the landlocked Free State province was access to East London’s beaches.

A busload of members of Malindi’s family lined up outside the gate to her in-laws’ home, with many sets of blankets, mats and pillows in hand, intended for Vusi’s parents and other relatives. To the supporting cheers of everyone present, the recipients claimed their gifts by actually lying down on the mats and covering themselves with the blankets (in 90 plus degree weather).

Vusi, on the other hand, gave his bride a brand new bedroom set. After she had symbolically washed his feet, he also lay down, only to be chased away by a swarm of young women equipped with branches from a nearby tree.

Lots of singing and laughing accompanied the ceremony. We had a hard time deciding whether the givers or the recipients had more fun. One thing we knew for sure: that we were very privileged to be part of the event.

These recent gift-giving experiences remind us of a theoretical model we studied during missionary orientation last January. Human interactions, according to Tony Gittins, can be analyzed through the lens of gift exchange. All cultures around the globe rely on giving and receiving gifts as a way to define and maintain relationships. Healthy relationships require that this exchange be a well-balanced alternating process, with each side in turn giving generously and receiving graciously. The gifts may be of material or non-material nature, but need to be considered valuable by all parties involved.

Citizens of so-called “donor” nations struggle with appropriate ways to handle gifts. When we give, we tend to do so stingily, yet emphasizing our generosity. We relish our ability to give, which provides us with status and power. When we receive, we tend to skip over any sense of humble gratitude and take whatever is given as if we were entitled to it. We often are blind to gifts of non-material nature and marginalize those who offer them.

Most of us grew up with a different model of human interaction, the one represented by the board game Monopoly. Over the Christmas holidays, we played its South African version with Onalenna and Rebaone. To our relief, the children got tired even before all the streets were sold. The two of us have developed a very negative relationship with this game, as the result of a Bible study that accompanies the Joining Hands Against Hunger materials. In one of the exercises, participants are challenged to analyze what Monopoly has taught us all and then to re-write the rules in a way that everyone wins. What would happen to the game if we would treat properties and hotels and utility companies as gifts to be shared?

“It would no longer be fun,” says the one who always wins.

For the new year, we pray for God’s gifts of peace and prosperity and for the growing ability to share these gifts with each other.

Susanne and Ken

The 2005 Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p. 339

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