Blessed are the poor in spirit!

Where does my help come from but from the Lord? What should we do but to fear God and obey His commandments....?

We will be out of email contact shortly until we reach the States in June. So our May report comes to you a couple of weeks earlier than planned. We will participate in the IMCK Board meeting in Kinshasa during the week of May 15. The meeting had to be moved because the PC(USA) representatives could not obtain permits to travel up country to Kasai. After a few days, we will leave for Denver via Brussels to start our annual visit and medical exams. Beginning May 14, we will be out of e-mail contact until we get to Denver. We hope to have the e-mail back by June 1.

We will finish the first half of our term here in Congo in just about two weeks and wanted to look back the year and to look forward with you. We believe God put us here not only to work with our Congolese colleagues but to share with you, praying and rooting for us back home, some of our experiences. Some of you responded positively to our earlier sharing of our growing pains, some of you encouraged us and some even admonished us for our weaknesses. But, we wanted to share with you a glimpse of our conversation with God. If it makes you uncomfortable or bored, please just ignore.

Dear faithful and righteous one, thank you for blessing us with your ways in spite of our stubbornness, selfishness and arrogance. We ask for your forgiveness for claiming to make sacrifices FOR you and your people. Forgive us also for expecting an instant reward of spiritual joy and peace and relationships of harmony with all your children on this earth.

But Lord, we need to vent a little. We ask for your forgiveness in advance. It was truly unfair to leave all of our old problems unsolved and to add new ones. Didn’t you say that the tired and heavily burdened ones should come to you and you will give us rest? Never mind the part about taking your yoke and joining your journey.... We thought you will help all OTHERS to see the truth and give us a clean start again. It seemed to work at first Lord, but soon our human needs and the needs of those around us began to choke us again. The major problem is that neither we nor they see the problems as YOU see them but through our own desires and self interest.

Let me ask you something Lord, why is it you have been with this people from the beginning, but the people call on the missionaries of past and present for their needs? Did you send your children in the name of missionaries as payment windows and the phone line to ask for more funds? If we did such a good job, as all our friends say, why do people ask the missionaries for everything? How have we failed to instill in them the self respect, sacrifice of the present for the

future of their children, and the desire to be independent and self sufficient? Did our need to be wanted and needed hinder their growth and development? Why is the only question for any problem is "who will ask?" our friends for help? Are we wrong to insist on their own efforts to search for a permanent solution? Is it better to give them what they want today? It certainly is gratifying to share and solve problems instantly, but in the process we create another class of "haves" who happened to be connected to missionaries and other donor agencies. We are confused, tired, angry and accused from all directions. Enlighten us O Lord, we pray. We admit that we’ve been here before. Our children accused us of being selfish, judgmental and stingy with money. Perhaps all true, but we tried to teach them with love. Because we loved them, we did

not let them have their own ways, we insisted on the fear of God and obedience. We insisted on responsibility, not blaming others for our own mistakes and solving problems with prayers and hard work. Of course, we did not succeed in every turn, but we continue with the trust that you will give us love, wisdom and courage when necessary.

Can we do anything less in our current position? Are we to expect any less from the people of Congo, at least the people we work with? Are we to make excuses for them and blame government, colonial masters and all other mistakes of the past? Then what? We are lost we admit.We are accused of being selfish, jealous, lack of love and dogmatic. May be true, but Lord what can we do? We fear we block your ways with our eagerness to be loved, to do some good and to be praised by people. We do not know what tomorrow holds, but we know you are faithful and remain the eternal truth.

This morning, we vow to take up your yoke upon us and walk with you step by step. Though we walk in the valley of darkness, a walk with you is a walk of life and resurrection. Grant us the time away from the crowd and a time of fellowship and conversation with you. We know you were asked the same questions many times before, but we need the answer. Grant us the confidence that you will answer when we are ready to understand and obey.

Thanks for listening Lord.

Haejung & Simon Park
c/o Doug Welch
100 Witherspoon Street
Louisville, KY 40202-1396

(If you email us, please don't send attachments. We have to pay by the byte.)

E-mail: SHPark@maf.org

The 2000 Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p. 29