July 9, 2007

Dear Friends,

Maribel Smith giving a 21-hour course called "Alternatives to Violence."

In 2006, Kevin Frederick, a Presbyterian minister from the United States, gave a course for men at Cedepca (Central American Evangelical Center for Pastoral Studies, where Dennis and I work). Kevin's course promoted healthy masculinity and combating domestic violence. The participants asked to receive “Alternatives to Violence,” a course I teach for Cedepca, as a follow-up. Our problem? Cedepca had never offered this course to men!

"Alternatives to Violence" is a course developed by the Quakers in the United States. It includes seven three-hour sessions built around four themes: self-esteem, communication, cooperation, and resolution of conflicts without violence.

Each session includes group exercises and times of sharing. Participants are seated in a circle so we can share eye contact throughout the session. There is no note-taking during sessions; each member of the group needs to be fully present for the whole time, since each experience is valuable and beneficial to all.

As the course began, our first task was to create a safe space for sharing. As we began to tell our stories, I was taken aback to hear how much violence these men had experienced as children: six of seven participants quietly told of experiencing physical, verbal, or psychological abuse. Since I too had suffered abuse as a child, I began to identify with them far more than I had anticipated.

Each group establishes its own set of rules: be brief, be respectful of others, don’t pressure those who have difficulty sharing. This group also decided that all cell phones must be turned off during class. One man, a lawyer, told the group that he couldn’t abide by this rule. He had to be in constant contact with his office; many people depended on him. The group granted his request.

The first session, his phone rang constantly; he left the group every few minutes to answer his phone. At the beginning of the third session he told the group, “Today I’m turning off my phone. I’ve left everything in order at the office. I want to participate fully in this course.” This, for me, was a break-through moment!

I learned that men are not punctual; we never started on time! But it was interesting to hear their excuses: “I had to take my daughter to school.” “I had to help my wife open our business.” These were real reasons from real life, not the fruit of disinterest or irresponsibility. One man had to leave each day precisely at 12:30 so he could pick up his daughter at school. In a land of frequent kidnappings, this was a responsibility he took very seriously. Such experiences challenged my stereotype of Guatemalan men as macho, insensitive types removed from the needs of their families.

I felt afraid and insecure when faced with the prospect of sharing deeply from my own self with a group of men. We ended up as friends.

This month Cedepca began to offer “Alternatives to Violence” to men for the second time, and I will be one of two co-facilitators. Thanks for your prayers!

Sincerely,

Maribel Pérez Smith

The 2007 Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p. 63