February 26, 2008

Dear Friends,

John F. Anderson, an ordained Presbyterian minister, once said, “A minister has to be, above everything else, a people person. If you haven’t learned the give-and-take that allows you to appreciate different ideas and views of life, you have really missed something important.” Of course, given my extroverted personality around my students and many of my friends, one might assume that I am truly a “people person.” However, it comes as a shock to many of my friends that I actually consider myself more of an introvert. I’ve never been much of a party person, I love living by myself, and there have been several occasions during my stay here in China when I haven’t gone out or spoken to anyone for a week other than to order food in a restaurant. Sometimes I find that the effort required to connect with new people, especially in a language other than English, is too exhausting for me to contemplate. There have been times when I’ve pretended to be a Spaniard who doesn’t understand English at all just to avoid having to carry on a conversation with an eager Chinese student.

So it was quite a challenge for me this winter break when for over four weeks, I was living in youth hostels and almost always surrounded by people. This challenged not only my desire to be alone, but also my calling to be a witness for Christ. Not surprisingly, the close quarters at the hostel provided ample opportunities for me to view both the strong and weak points of my fellow hostel residents—and for them to see mine. I decided to fast during daylight hours this year as part of my Lenten discipline, but one time I ate before the sun had gone down and was caught by one of my British friends. And once I caught myself swearing in front of a fellow American, and felt quite embarrassed. I drank alcohol on several occasions, and while I never got drunk, I felt as though I were being judged in spite of it.

Despite my mistakes, I kept praying, doing my devotionals, and fasting. Whenever I felt particularly bad about myself, I felt drawn to Psalm 32:1-2, which reads, “Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit.” I felt comforted when I read that verse, hoping that regardless of my errors, it was still possible for God to use me to reach out to others. Being surrounded with people constantly was a strain, yet I kept praying that God could work through me. I received confirmation that God could work through me from two people I grew close to at the hostel in Beijing.

One of my roommates was a secular Jewish man from Israel. He was an early riser as well, so we often chatted over breakfast and occasionally while I was reading my devotional. Since I mostly hang out with girls in Lanzhou, I was thrilled to make friends with him and a whole pack of male travelers at that hostel. There was also a formerly Catholic, currently agnostic Irish woman who was also a part of our regular group of eight folks. She and I became particularly close after four of the guys moved out of our hostel, and we stayed up chatting after they left.

Both the Isreali man and the Irish woman had “different ideas and views of life” than I have, but all of us were curious about each other and tried to be respectful of our differences. I was fascinated with David’s Jewish prayer book, so he taught me some Hebrew. Aoife and I had an extended discussion one night about relationships, love, our families, politics, and religion. Living with both of them was eye-opening in many ways. We saw both the good and the bad in each other, which taught me a lot about how imperfect I am.

Surprisingly, my friends didn’t seem to find me nearly as flawed as I find myself. On our last night out together, Aoife expressed her happiness at finding me religious, but not judgmental. She had felt very judged by some of her family members, but said that she didn’t feel that way with me. She told me that she found me “an inspiration to others” and even called me an angel. It was an unexpected boost for me. Once again, God proved that He was indeed able to use me as a witness to His glory in spite of my imperfections. As Romans 8: 8-9a says: “So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God. But you are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you.” I was and always will be a fallen human being, but God’s Spirit had still managed to outshine my shortcomings to touch another person.

May the Lord be praised for His power and mercy, and may all of you give thanks for the different perspectives this Lenten season brings. May you also be filled with hope that God can still use us in spite of our sinful natures, and be blessed, for your transgressions are forgiven and your sins are covered. May all of us go forth to be God’s ministers, even to those whose views of life are different. A blessed Lent to all of you.

In His service,

Rae

The 2008 Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p. 99