March 30, 2009

Dear Friends,

Two of the New Year's resolutions that I made this year were to read my Bible from start to finish and to fast again for Lent. While reading my Bible each day has proven a fairly easy resolution to keep, fasting is a much more difficult personal discipline.

I fast much the same way for Lent that Muslims do for the month of Ramadan in their calendar. From sunrise to sunset, no food touches my lips. I did the same sort of fast last year, for many of the same reasons as now. For one, fasting helps me to identify with many of my students, who are truly so poor that they must, out of necessity, skip meals. Several of my students have grey hairs already, a symptom of malnutrition. It also helps me to focus on my spiritual hunger, on the fact that I need God more than ever in a land where my status as an outsider endows every action I take with a bigger audience than I'd ever have in the United States. I will also admit that I chose fasting as a way to save money, both last year in Beijing and now here in Zhangye.

I have certainly been saving money with this type of fast, for the simple fact that most restaurants aren't open when I allow myself to eat, and therefore I must cook for myself. In Beijing, the savings were quite substantial. Yet my fasting last year seemed much easier in comparison to this season of Lent in Zhangye. For one thing, Lent was quite early last year, and therefore the sun set earlier as well. Additionally, I was studying Chinese in Beijing for much of Lent last year, and frankly speaking, the food there isn't as good as it is here in my province, so the temptation was much less. It's far easier to refuse an overpriced bowl of limp noodles in watery soup than it is to turn down an offer of crisply fried family-style tofu. Also, if you've ever tried to teach six hours on only a breakfast sandwich, you know how tired you can get—not to mention cranky.

One other unexpected difficulty this term has been my students. I keep receiving invitations to have lunch with students, or receive offers of food in class that I have to decline. I can tell that this confuses them, because I went out to eat several times with my pupils last term, yet I'm not quite sure how to explain my fasting in a way they could comprehend. The lack of accountability is also an issue; it's much more difficult to motivate myself with no one to check up on me and keep me going throughout the long daylight hours, especially in the afternoon, when craving for food is strongest.

All this, of course, turns me back to God and my Bible for the sustenance I need. Jesus says in John 6:51, "I am the living bread which came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever; and the bread that I shall give is My flesh, which I shall give for the life of the world."

There have been times when I have given in to temptation and eaten before the sun has set. Each day though, I begin anew with a desire to serve my LORD, and identify with the poorest of His children through my fast. My prayer each day is that I will truly rely on His grace for the strength to resist temptation. This fast has not been the easiest discipline, and I have certainly learned much about my weaknesses through it. However, it forces me to rely on God even more, and for that reason alone, even as unsuccessful as I may be with it at times, it has been worth it.

My prayer for all of you during this season of Lent is that you may turn to God more fully, allowing your weaknesses to be exposed in the light of His mercy. May you celebrate the grace he offers, even in the depths of this season of repentance.

With prayers for a gracious Lenten season to you all,

Rae

The 2009 Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p. 117