| Email: John Stanger
Hello Friends, Family, and Supporters!
Being…
Back in February, when I began applying for the YAV program, I was emailed a Word document named “Important YAV Concepts.” The first section, “Being and Doing,” explains the challenge and “healthy tension” between these two ways of living: “In our culture, much value is placed upon what we do and achieve. If we cannot show that we are ‘usefully’ occupied or point to the evidence of our work, we can feel a sense of failure or lack of purpose because our culture values doing…. Allow God to use you whether you are being or doing. Often times one leads richly to the other.”
This tension is probably the biggest struggle I’m having in India. Because CMS (Church Missionary Society) simply does not ask much of me, I can rarely show that I am “usefully occupied,” which has at times led to feeling a “lack of purpose.” Much of what I’m asked to do simply involves showing up at events to simply be present and not directly participate. In the beginning, when my focus was on simply adjusting, it was nice to not have too much asked of me. But eventually it was not nice at all, primarily frustrating. Being present at event after event is simply not quantifiable, and quantifying work and time is what American culture does best. Yet slowly I am coming to realize that the most beautiful, fulfilling moments really do come from my least structured activities (e.g. going to coffee each day with the guys, walking around and striking up conversations with students, visiting people’s homes, even reading with students). It is in these moments that I am able to offer myself, not what I can accomplish. In a recent email, a close pastor and mentor reminded me, “The work you are doing—the ministry of presence—is truly one of the things that is the hardest to learn.”
Doing…
Although I continue to informally engage as many students as possible in English, give the message at English chapel services, and show up at random events, “being” has indeed led to doing in more ways than when you last heard from me. I now visit a lower primary school once a week where I read, speak, and play games with the students.
I am also teaching a class on critical essay writing to the first year Communicative English students. I may enjoy that class more than any of my other duties. Although the department head wants them to learn to write essays, he places the real importance on their interaction with me and my accent; I run with that concept and between my teachings we talk about everything from politics to Harry Potter. Last weekend I visited a boys home in Kanam, a village about an hour’s bus ride from Kottayam. The home is for boys from poor families whose parents have applied for them to live at the hostel in hope of a better life. From here on out I will stay at the home each Friday through Sunday to spend time with the boys. I look forward to this because not only does it add some variety to my schedule, but a couple of these kids have already captured my heart. I am anxious to see what paths God will open up for me to “be” and “do” in new ways.
Discernment…
In a strange twist for the King of Procrastination, I am pleased to reveal that as of yesterday I have completed the application for my first-choice seminary. This is remarkable for me. I do not know that I’ve ever done anything that took this much work this many months in advance! But this move was a long time coming. Something told me last year that I wasn’t quite ready to be in seminary yet, which is what led me to look more seriously into the YAV program. Thankfully, the YAV program is fertile ground for discernment (we even had a workshop on discernment at orientation). As I concluded in an admissions essay, “As I rediscover the diverse world God has given us by living in India, I find myself using the lens of theology to cope with, understand, and express my surroundings. Whether it is observing the differences between worship services, listening to a stranger’s story, wrestling with poverty and the unequal distribution of wealth, or having to explain why I came, I always come back to God and the inherent, intentional relationship the Creator has chosen to partake in with others and me. I crave a theological education more than ever before to understand the complexities of this relationship. My deep desire is to be exposed at [seminary] to various ways of interpreting Scripture and the relationship we share with God so that I am forced to wrestle with my own theological assumptions, discover a deeper faith and, in turn, apply that faith through loving whichever community I am called to.” So after eleven pages of writing, transcript requests, criminal background checks, and references, all that is left is a telephone interview. While I am in love with my current place in life, I am glad to feel just as excited about what will come next.
Globalization…
Each month the volunteers converge somewhere in Kerala for a weekend retreat to process our experiences and be exposed to unique experiences that our sites do not offer. In October, everyone came to a place called Kottayam (not that exotic for yours truly) and stayed at Old Seminary for the National Seminar on “Globalization—Life and Livelihood Issues,” which was discussed from a faith perspective. The United States often becomes the emblem and target of globalization for deserved and underserved reasons. As the only foreigners at the conference, we were placed in a unique position and to some became the emblem of our nation and therefore for the negative results of globalization. At first, it was uncomfortable to be faced with criticism against our nation, even if we agreed, but we soon used it as an opportunity to reveal the ways that globalization negatively affects Americans as well. We soon found common ground with the other participants and were able to examine the positive and negative ways that globalization affects the entire world. What I find most disturbing is when I recall discussions on globalization I had in the United States: They also revolved around how the United States negatively impacts the poor in other nations but not how it affects our own citizens. The ratio of inequality between the rich and poor in the world has doubled since 1950, the time many call the beginning of our current form of globalization. And is evident in the United States’ shrinking middle class, my own family consistently finds it more difficult to remain viable in an industry that has become affected by corporations, imports, outsourcing, and the resulting loss of jobs, which are only a few of the ways the United States is hurt by an ideology it continues to profess. Are we too jaded and/or self-righteous to admit what we are doing to ourselves as well as others? And why is the church in the United States not doing more to facilitate discussions on the gamut of ethical concerns that go along with these issues of “life and livelihood.” It seems that the recent financial crisis is the perfect opportunity for Americans to begin discussing the problems caused by globalization in their own back yard.
Questions…
In my last newsletter, I offered to answer questions anyone has and here are a few I received:
Q: What does CMS stand for?
A: Church Missionary Society of England, which founded CMS College in 1817 in response to the need for higher education in Kerala. But the name is not College Missionary Society College, it is officially CMS College. CMS is tagged at the beginning of many primary and secondary schools in and around Kottayam as well.
Q: Does the campus resemble other college campuses you've seen where there is an area for social gathering (student union) and a dining hall where the students eat?
A: While there is no student union in the American sense, there are areas where the students tend to congregate outside. Because of the lack of air conditioning, the breeze outdoors is often cooler than what the fans provide indoors. CMS is known for its trees, which are surrounded by stones for sitting. There is a kind of dining hall, called the canteen, where most students and I take lunch. And like most institutionalized food in the States, it lives up (or should I say down?) to the stereotype.
Q: Are you taking any classes?
A: I am not; while CMS classes are in English, the teachers mainly use Malayalam for explanations of any depth. Hence the need for even the Communicative English students to have a class solely in English. (By the way, if a Malayali asked me this same question, I would have answered in the affirmative because they use “taking” to mean “teaching.”)
Q: Do you have required reading as part of the YAV program?
A: Indeed, I had to read a couple books on cross-cultural ministry this past summer. The India volunteers were also encouraged to read about ten books about India—novels to political commentary. Out of those books, I would recommend reading The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, a prominent political activist. The novel, a winner of the very prestigious Booker Prize, is semi-autobiographical tale of a her family outside of Kottayam. Her mother still lives here and runs a school not far from CMS. Although I no longer have any required reading, I am reading twice what I ever did in college. I think because I lack my former vices (television, computer), reading has filled my leisure void.
Q: How would you describe the music the students listen to?
A: Music from films is by far the most popular genre of music here. The music, which could be in Malayalam, Tamil, or Hindi, is very melodic and catchy even if you don’t know what is being said, which I don’t and the students often don’t either. Also, the students listen to music constantly from their cell phones.
Q: Are there some international students at CMS, or are they all native to India?
A: I am as international as it gets here at CMS (as far as I know). CMS, like most colleges in the area, is not very big (around 1,750 students) so I don’t know that there’s much possibility of attracting international students.
I appreciate the cards, packages, emails, and prayers!
With love,
John Stanger |
