This resource has been prepared for congregational care teams and other laypersons who participate in hospital visitation. Optimally, whatever group is designated by the congregation to do hospital visitation should meet together to review and discuss the suggestions, answering any questions and providing recommended language, even role playing situations that might be particularly sensitive. Often, preparation—thinking before hand how one might reply (without sounding rehearsed)—increases the level of comfort for someone who is new at hospital visitation. For people who are experienced with hospital visitation, reminders about new regulations and customs can be helpful, too. This article is not intended as a pastoral care aid.

Note: New and comprehensive privacy regulations, Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA), have required change in hospital visitation policies in many facilities. Before you visit, call ahead and be certain that you will be allowed to visit the patient you intend. Some hospitals only allow visitors who are on a "list." Many hospitals will not tell callers whether a person is in the hospital but instead will only release information once the caller has established that he/she already knows that the person in hospitalized. If you engage in hospital visitation routinely, become familiar with the policies of the hospitals (they will likely vary) you visit.

• Prepare yourself for the visit. Take some time to become settled in yourself. Pray that God might give you grace to be an agent of care and healing to the person you will visit.
• Stay away if you are sick. Do not choose to visit if you have even so much as a sniffle. Send someone else.
• Dress appropriately, with the person in mind. You want to put him/her at ease. Avoid perfumes and other scents that may aggravate allergies or respiratory conditions.
• Always, always wash your hands before and after every visit. If possible, use antiseptic alcohol gel rather than soap. Your goal is to convey concern, not carry germs.
• See the patient's nurse before entering the room. You do not want to enter during a time when tests are being run, or the patient is using the bedpan. Ask the nurse if this is a good time to go in. Awaken the patient only with the nurse's permission. Before entering the room, always knock a few times, gently. Announce your presence and ask to enter, "Mrs. Jones? This is Mary Sue from Hope Presbyterian."
• Let your visit embody "brevity without haste." Follow your instincts, but for sicker patients, stay a shorter time. You might even ask the person you are visiting to let you know if they are becoming tired so that you can take your leave gracefully. It is also helpful to watch body language. If the patient begins to look tired, or slump a bit, that is often an indication that he/she is becoming tired. Sometimes people stop making eye contact as a “hint” that they are ready for a visit to be over. If you get subtle message that it is time to leave, do not take this as a personal affront. Remember that you are visiting a patient and it is his/her needs that are being addressed, not yours.
• Let the patient take the lead on a handshake. (Gently, gently grasp his/her hand if invited.)
• Observe the patient's room: are there flowers, are the lights on or off, is the TV on? Show no shock at what you see. Do not touch equipment. Consider whether to sit, stand or crouch and what position will be easiest for the patient's sight and hearing. If it is possible, sit near the patient—so that he/she does not need to hold her/his head at an awkward angle to converse with you. Do not sit on the bed.
• If the patient you are visiting looks extremely robust, feel free to tell her/him that he/she is looking fit. However, do not be disingenuous. If the patient clearly looks ill, do not say otherwise.
• Use touch, but only very gently and respectfully. Some patients who are in pain are more sensitive to pressure. For some, allowing their hand to rest on yours works better. Touching is often based in one's culture. If you know the patient well, be mindful of the typical level of physical contact between you. [If you do not know the patient and are making introductions, you may extend your hand for a handshake. However, only clasp the patient's hand if it is offered to you and then do so gently.]
• Avoid asking "How do you feel?" Instead try "How are things going?" Allow the patient to choose the course of the conversation. Listen to her/him actively, nodding, leaning toward her/him, and reflecting that you are present and engaged. Do not tell similar stories, such as, "I had an operation like that ... " or play the hospital version of I can top that!
• You do not need to know and they may not wish to tell you why they are in the hospital. Do not ask, "What's wrong?" You may invite, "Do you want to talk about what you're struggling with?" "Is there anything you would like to talk about?" Mostly, listen. If the patient does want to talk, be prepared to actively listen, without giving advice or making "helpful" suggestions.
• Try to allow your visit to reflect the relationship you have with the patient if you have one. If you are close friends, do not become suddenly standoffish. Attempting to understand your behavior change may stress the patient. Conversely, if you and the patient do not know one another well, do not assume a "familiar" attitude.
• If there are other visitors or family members present and you are allowed to enter the patient's room, remember that you are there to visit the patient, not visit with the others who may be in the room. If you do wish to visit with family members, it is better to do that in the waiting room or outside the patient's room. It is usually not a good idea to create the impression that you are talking "about" the person who is the patient—particularly in front of the patient. Never talk with family or other visitors as though the patient is not present or cannot hear you.
• Times of silence are completely appropriate.
• You are not there to entertain or to be entertained.
• Gifts are complicated. Cards are easier. If you want to bring a gift, be certain it is appropriate, acceptable and safe. Do not bring a stack of magazines to someone who has just had major eye surgery. Be careful with flowers—many people have allergies, candy or other "gift" foodstuff maybe be taboo because of special diets. Understand that your very presence is a gift.
• Do not offer false optimism, or medical advice.
• Do not change the patient's position in bed, the nurse will see to that.
• Yield to the staff and physicians, if one comes in. Give the patient privacy.
• Offer to share Scripture or pray. Be sure to ask the patient what her/his prayer concerns are. Include these in the prayer or leave space for them to add their prayers. If a patient asks you to pray, he/she probably does not mean later, but now! Some people are more comfortable than others praying aloud. If you feel you may be asked to pray and you are not comfortable, prepare before you visit. If you know that you will not be comfortable praying or praying aloud, bring a brief meditation or poem and read it. If you feel the patient wants prayer, if the patient asks for prayer and you cannot pray with him/her, be certain to let the pastor know of the patient's request.
• If the person you are visiting brings up questions that are theologically based, verbalizes anger at God or makes requests for "healing," it is best to defer to the pastor or if the need to speak of these issues is immediate, offer to contact the chaplain at the hospital. If the patient you are visiting has an illness for which he/she is not likely to recover and wishes to make plans for a funeral or make legal arrangements, it is best to contact your pastor and let her/him know to visit soon.
• Do not use prayer to get out the door. Sometimes patients need to talk after the prayer as their emotions have emerged in the intimacy of prayer. Do not run out, stay and listen.
• If you promise to return, be sure you can follow through. Otherwise, make no promise.
• Wash your hands after you leave—especially between visits if you are seeing more than one patient.
• Respect the patient's privacy. Do not discuss the patient's condition with others. Do not make general reports to the parish about patient's appearance, thoughts, or prognosis. Allow the family to do that.

Support for families of patients
In addition to visiting someone who is hospitalized, there are times when visiting with family—especially when there are small families without a great deal of support—is very important. Sitting with family during long surgical procedures, or visiting with family while a patient is in "critical or intensive" care units and only short family visitation periods are allowed, can be a wonderful way of showing concern, compassion and encouragement.

Prolonged hospitalizations can also be very wearing on family members and frequently the focus of attention is exclusively on the patient. Giving family members an opportunity to talk by simply validating the situation, saying something like, "This must be a very difficult time for you. How are you doing?" can be very helpful. Inviting a family member to take a short walk, go for coffee, can help energize him/her to better support the person who is ill. Your invitation gives permission for the family member to focus on his/her own needs for a few moments—hopefully without guilt.

Remember that a close family member of someone who is gravely ill may be struggling with his or her own impending loss, as well as the patient's situation. During the time you spend with family in this situation, your willingness to listen is most important.

Many of the suggestions for communicating with patients—what to say and what not to say—apply here as well.