Am I my sister’s (or brother’s) keeper?

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Choose life so that you and your descendants may live. (Deuteronomy 30:19b)

Domestic Violence will rob children of their childhood.
It will deprive women of their spirit.
It will strip men of their place in a peaceful world.
—from the City of Phoenix government Web site

What is Abusive Behavior?

It is a pattern of behavior that establishes power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat of violence. Not all domestic violence is physical. It can be emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, threats, use of male privilege, intimidation, isolation and a variety of other behaviors used to maintain fear, intimidation and power.

Are you worried about a friend?

• Is your friend withdrawn, worried or depressed?
• Has your friend begun to limit the times she can talk on the phone?
• Does she make excuses for not going places together?
• Does she have bruises and/or other injuries?
• Does she wear clothing, sunglasses or make-up in an attempt to cover up injuries?
• Does his partner/spouse make all the decisions in their relationship?
• Is her partner possessive or jealous?
• Does his spouse put him down in front of other people?

• She may deny the violence or make excuses for his behavior.
• He may be embarrassed, ashamed or afraid to talk about it.
• She may believe that the abuse will stop or that she deserves it.
• You need to believe her and validate her feelings.
• You need to listen without judgment of her choices or actions.
• You need to be patient and understand that she needs to be in control of her decisions.

How else can I help?

• Share what you have learned and pass on any materials you have.
• Encourage her to get help from a local shelter or domestic violence agency.
• Assure him that he is not to blame and that he is not alone.
• Help her make a safety plan if she chooses to stay or an escape plan if she chooses to leave the abuse. Remember: 75% of domestic violence-related deaths occur at the time of leaving or after.
• Be clear what you can do and what you cannot do. Don’t put yourself in danger.

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