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A Father's Letter to his Teenage Children on the Gift of Their Sexuality
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By the Rev. Dr. Kevin E. Frederick
My dearest children,
I remember the day that your mother and I brought you home from the hospital shortly after you were born. For both of you we ritualized the event by bathing you and singing to you during that first evening home, thanking God for your well being and admiring the beauty and wonder of your tiny bodies. That evening as we bathed you, I was mindful of the words of the psalmist, “It was you (O God) who formed my inward parts; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” With the whole of your lives before you that evening it was easy for us both to see and celebrate that you were a blessing and a perfect gift from God. We have raised you to love yourselves both for who you are today and who you are becoming. We have taught you to recognize that you are a unique and precious child of God and that nothing can take away the love God has for you.
We have also raised you both to have respect for others and honor the presence of Christ in your neighbor, and we have seen how you demonstrated that ability not only with each other but with others you come in contact with. Now as you approach your dating years as young teens, I want to call your attention once again to the sacredness of your bodies and your identities as children of God. The body you have now is the same little one that took its first breath the morning you were born, and it is the same old and tired body, that will one day, (God willing) at a ripe old age, take its last breath on this earth. Because your body is created by God, it is a sacred gift and deserves your best attention and care. Your mother and I have taught you by example the importance of regular exercise and maintaining healthiness by developing good eating habits and a balanced lifestyle.
I have once again watched in amazement as your bodies have begun to change and mature into the sure and steady process of becoming the adults you will one day be. And again the words are in my heart, “you are fearfully and wonderfully made.” Under the best of circumstances it is a slow and sometimes painful process to learn to understand what it means to love who you are for yourselves. At times you will think yourselves beneath friends who appear to have it all together in your own eyes. At other times you will chafe under the glaring look of peers or the hurtful remarks they make. Along the way there will be people who will, sometimes willfully, and at other times unintentionally, hurt you. Keep reminding yourself of your value that those who love you have recognized in you. One of the biggest lessons you face is learning how to honestly love yourself. Happiness in life is dependant upon that truth. Keep your mind focused on maintaining your self respect. You do not have control over the words and actions of others but you do have control of those of your own and how you respond to others.
Remember that sometimes evil comes packaged in a handsome or pretty face; someone who will have absolutely no regard for you and who may seek to do you harm. When you encounter such a person and realize it, turn the other way and protect yourself. When the words or actions of others hurt you, learn to listen to your own heart and mind and keep reminding yourself how much you are loved by your parents, yourself and God. And remember to balance your respect for yourselves with your respect for others. Do not let someone else force you to act in a way that compromises the sacredness of who you are. And of equal importance, do not try to coerce someone else to compromise their sacredness, either. You have observed in the relationship that your mother and I have for each other, that we share a lot of joy in being together. You have also seen, upon occasion, that even in a loving and respectful marriage, we sometimes hurt or anger each other. Such is the complexity of human relationships, but you also know how we are both mindful of each other’s feelings and seek to honor and respect each other in our daily lives. Do not settle for any relationship that doesn’t have these key elements of love mutually demonstrated every day.
I wish that you both could learn from the experiences, the trials and errors that your mother and I have had growing up as teenagers. But that is not something that can be passed on by word of mouth. The intimacy that comes in relationships always brings with it a degree of both joy and sorrow. Always remember that sex is a sacred gift from God that expresses the whole of who you are. When it is carelessly entered into with someone else, it leads to feeling an emptiness and sorrow that haunts you as you continue to long to discover its elusive and real purpose. Sex is, at its best, the most intimate and sacred expression of yourself which combines your whole being with the one person to whom you have devoted your life. Strive for nothing less, and let love for your own self and sacredness lead you to the person to whom God is calling you.
My love and prayers will be with you always,
Daddy
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