Practical Guidelines for Starting a Circle of Friends Within Your Faith Community

The Rev. Donna Whitmore
Moderator, Presbyterians for Disability Concerns (PDC)

Identification of a person for whom a Circle is desirable

Each congregation is unique and forming a Circle for a person who has a disability will be unique to your church and the individual for whom the Circle is being formed.

• Typically a church member, staff person, or pastor will become aware that an individual with a disability is not well connected with other church members in meaningful ways or the individual may be asking for more support from the pastor or congregation.
• A church member may feel that he or she is the only friend or support and wishes others were also involved in the person’s life.
• An individual experiences major transitions or challenges that prompt the church to respond and provide additional ongoing support.

Identification of a facilitator

The pastor or church member identifies one or two persons they feel might be willing to participate in a Circle. Ideally, they will be the facilitator or co-facilitator. It is wise to have one or more persons committed to the Circle concept before approaching the person with a disability so that expectations are not shattered if no one chooses to participate in the Circle. A pastor or other informed person orients the people who agree to participate.

Exploration of the Circle concept with the person who has a disability – the “focus person”

Unless the facilitators know the focus person well, they should spend one-on-one time with the individual to get better acquainted and to deepen the relationship before suggesting the Circle. Taking time to develop a meaningful relationship is important. It is the basis on which everything else in the Circle depends. The pastor and/or church members can then present the Circle concept to the focus person to determine his interest. The facilitator and focus person explore together the individual’s goals and dreams at this time in her life. This may involve some of the following questions. Some may be addressed in the early stages of the Circle.

• Tell us about your life, when and where you were born, and where you have lived.
• What are some of your memories (highlights/milestones/turning points)?
• Who are the important people in your life? Family? Friends? Paid people?
• Who do you spend time with? How often do you see them?
• Is there someone in your past that you would like to reconnect with?
• Where in the community do you work, live, play, and visit?
• Where do you go on a typical weekday? Weekend?
• What are your hobbies and interests?
• What choices do you make? What choices are made by others?
• What creates a lot of excitement for you? When are you the happiest?
• What doesn’t work in your life right now?
• When are you the most bored, frustrated, and unhappy?
• What are some of the unique gifts, capacities, and interests that you have?
• Describe some dreams or hopes you have for the future.
• What kind of movement would you like to make in your life? How can your friends help with that? Who do you feel comfortable asking for support or help?

From these early conversations with the individual, the facilitator can get a picture of the general nature of what a Circle would look like for this individual. This will help with the recruitment of members.

Calling the Circle

• The facilitator and focus person (and perhaps a pastoral staff person) brainstorm ideas on who might be invited to be in the Circle. It is important that the focus person feel comfortable with those who are to be invited. Think of people who have already shown friendship or who share common interests with the focus person. Persons from outside the faith community should also be considered. Other friends with disabilities may be a part of the group as well. If a group is comprised entirely of persons with mobility issues, however, some activities may be precluded due to transportation.
• Discuss together the invitations. Include date, time, and location for the first exploratory gathering.
• The facilitator contacts potential Circle members so that the focus person does not receive rejections personally.
• The facilitator hosts a social gathering. The facilitator and the focus person share their hopes and dreams for the formation of a Circle and describe what it will look like. The leader should encourage questions. Ask guests to consider prayerfully becoming part of the Circle. Sometimes guests are not asked to commit to being in the Circle until after several gatherings.
• After the gathering, the facilitator calls guests to encourage involvement and to answer questions. If a guest indicates that he doesn’t have the time to participant regularly but wishes to be involved on occasion, the facilitator makes note of that for future reference.
• A Circle can be formed with as few as 3 people. The typical size of a group is 6-8.

The Circle Begins

• The facilitator meets with the focus person to plan the first several gatherings. The questions above may help the group get better acquainted with the focus person and determine together the direction of the Circle. It is advisable, however, that there be some degree of sharing by each Circle member. While the Circle is focused around the person with the disability, the gathering times should promote mutual sharing and fellowship. Sometimes a sharing question answered by all the group members can actually assist the focus person in reflecting and communicating about her life.
• Hospitality should be a regular feature of each Circle gathering.
• The group should agree upon ground rules for discussions and participation. This might include confidentiality, setting of boundaries, non-fixing approaches, and keeping cost of activities to a minimum. Except for special occasions, the focus person should pay for his own way.
• Circle members get acquainted and deepen their knowledge of the focus person. The facilitator helps the focus person talk about her history to the extent she feels comfortable. The focus person shares his current situation, using some of the questions above. The group shares possible ways of helping the focus person meet his hopes and dreams.

Continuing the Circle

• After the first several meetings, it is recommended that other Circle members share the facilitation and planning for the gatherings. Sometimes the focus person will also share in making arrangements for a gathering.
• A Circle should periodically review its time together and make adjustments as appropriate.
• New Circle members can be added at any time.
• The Circle may eventually evolve into one of more mutuality among members and not just focus on the person for whom the Circle has been called.
• As a focus person’s dreams are met, other goals will surface that may reshape the type of activities the Circle does together
• Fellowship and celebration should always be at the center of the Circle’s life together.

Continuing Support for facilitators and Circle members

The primary support for the facilitator and group members is given by a member of the pastoral staff who may already have a relationship with the focus person. Facilitators should also have access to training and ongoing support provided to groups like Stephen’s Ministries and Deacons.