The Joy of the LORD

by Kate Wolfe-Jenson

Nehemiah 8:10

A few months ago, I experienced a change in the symptoms of my multiple sclerosis. My ability to stand had been decreasing over the past couple of years, but I thought the disease might stabilize, that I could go on at this level of functioning indefinitely. Instead, an increase in spasticity meant that I could no longer stand and transfer from my wheelchair. The loss of independence left me grief stricken and frightened. I felt a shadow and a weight on me all day every day. I was weak and sad.

Then I stumbled on Nehemiah 8:10 — “Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Without knowing anything about its context or history, I printed the verse and kept it in my wallet. Those words alone spoke to my condition. My body and spirit could be weak. I didn't need to be joyful or strong. God’s joy could become my strength. When I felt darkness and heaviness descending on my spirit, I would pull out that verse and read it aloud.

Eventually, I decided to learn more. I read the rest of Nehemiah. It's easy for me to imagine that the historical books of the Bible have little to do with me. After all, they chronicle a primitive people’s understanding of God. What does one governor's reconstruction project 400 years before the time of Jesus have to do with my 21st century life?

It turns out there are lessons to be learned.

Turn to God

When Nehemiah hears of the sorry state of Jerusalem, its people and its walls, he confesses his sins to God, reminds God of promises made to the people of Israel and asks for God's help in the success of his plan. It seems unlikely that God needs to be reminded of promises, but by reminding God, Nehemiah is reminding himself.

Feeling overwhelmed by my troubles, I remember that I believe in a God who promises to be present in overwhelming times. Isaiah 43:2 says:

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.

I recall reading these words at age 20 shortly after my diagnosis. I looked at the line drawing in my Good News Bible. Artist Annie Vallotton used as few lines as possible to depict a robed figure walking through water swirling up to its chin. It captured exactly my sense of devastation. Then, as now, God is with me and the waters will not sweep over me.

Be honest and ask for help

Nehemiah is cup bearer to the Persian king Artaxerxes. When the king asks him why he looks so sad, Nehemiah tells him about Jerusalem. He asks the king for time and resources to rebuild the city. The king agrees, giving him letters that will secure both safe passage to Jerusalem and access to timber.

I find it comforting that Nehemiah does not put on a happy face. Often, I add to my distress by trying to hide it. Nehemiah continues with his work, but does not conceal his feelings. When asked, he is honest about the source of his sadness. Nehemiah also summons up courage and energy to ask for help. He has obviously been thinking about what he might do to solve the situation. He is ready with an answer when Artaxerxes asks what he needs. His request is made more powerful by the emotional honesty beneath it.

Often, I believe I must handle my problems on my own. If anyone does offer to help, I am not usually ready with a response. Nehemiah wants to rebuild a city and a people. His dreams are bigger than his own situation. His requests are not purely selfish. This is a tricky one for me, because my needs do seem to be selfish and individualized. If I, like Nehemiah, see myself as a servant in a bigger cause, it helps me in several ways. Attuning myself to the needs of the greater community turns my focus outward and gives me energy. Asking “what do I need to become a better servant?” helps me set priorities and makes it easier to ask for support.

Prioritize, compartmentalize and work the whole problem

I have a life to be getting on with. I have a job and a family. When I need to pay attention to physical changes, it is easy to be engulfed by the additional phone calls, appointments and information gathering that need to happen.

Nehemiah faces a big job too. He looks at what there is to do and divides it into pieces. He assigns parts of the rebuilding to different families so the whole wall can be rebuilt at once. I may not have a nation to put to work, but I, too, can split the problem into pieces and take small actions in each area to move myself in the right direction. Stone by stone, I can build a new life.

Leave the results to God and put resources into protection

As work on the wall in Jerusalem gets underway, enemies of the project also go into action. First they ridicule and criticize. In response, the builders pray that God turns their opponents’ insults back on them. They leave the punishment for the insults up to God. When the enemies start sending armed men to disrupt the work, some of the builders stand guard while others work. They protect themselves.

The voices of ridicule and criticism in my own life tend to be my own negative thoughts. I frequently get into the equivalent of shouting matches with them. How much better it is to turn the whole mess over to God.

Twelve-step groups use a slogan: the effort is ours, the results are God’s. In my own life, I need to take action without being focused on the end results. I need to borrow another 12-step phrase, to “keep on keeping on.” Much of what I can do to strengthen and heal my body works slowly. I have to keep doing the right things, even in the absence of large positive change. I also need to spend some of my time and energy on protecting those things that feed my soul. I need regular doses of nature and beautiful art and music. Dividing my workforce between productivity and protection may slow progress, but in the long run it will be more effective.

Pay attention to those left behind

The last impediment to rebuilding the wall was the plight of the poor. Unfair taxes on top of drought left the less fortunate in the city deep in debt. They complained to Nehemiah who convinced the rich and powerful to forgive debts and return seized property. Nehemiah himself set an example by feeding extra people on his governor’s allowance and not “lording it over people.” With security, productivity and justice restored, the city was rebuilt.

This was the point where my resolve to learn from Scripture failed for a while. Who or what is being left behind in my life right now? What kind of justice is lacking? I was holding these questions in my mind when I was asked to speak on the subject of hope. This is a tough topic for me. MS is an incurable progressive disease. While it is very individualized and some people are not significantly disabled by it, my version of MS has been steadily eroding my health. Then I realized: I have left hope behind. There are many days when I leave humor, joy and optimism behind as well. My “drought” is the physical and emotional exhaustion of illness. My “unfair taxes” are my own grim determination to get through this.

Like Nehemiah, I need to use some of my resources to feed the less fortunate parts of myself.

Listen to God's word and watch for times to celebrate, to recoup and rest

To celebrate the reconstruction, the people gather in a city square. Ezra the scribe stands on a high platform and reads scripture from dawn until noon. People listen attentively. They lift their hands and shout “amen.” They worship the Lord with their faces on the ground. The Levites read from the books of law and people begin to weep. That is when Nehemiah tells them to enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, sending some to those who have none. “This day is sacred to our Lord,” says Nehemiah. “Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." There is much more to be done to rebuild Israel, but for now it is time for the people to nourish themselves and celebrate.

For hours the people listened and responded to God's word. They may have been more primitive than me in some ways, but they clearly had more advanced attention spans! I won't attempt hours-long devotions (though perhaps I should), but this surprising dip into the Old Testament has reminded me of the richness, comfort and power of the scriptures. I confess that, in the past, I have rarely turned to scripture as a problem-solving technique. I will go forward with a new attitude.

The story of Nehemiah has left me feeling more resourceful in the face of my recent troubles. This ancient governor has shown me a path to my own reconstruction. I can turn to a loving, protective God. I can be honest about my feelings and ask for help, realizing that my goal is to serve my God and my people. I can break the problem into small pieces, prioritize and take small slow steps toward wholeness. I need to spend some of my resources on protection from negativity and nourishment of those parts of myself that are easily left behind. The efforts are mine. The results are God's.

Living with a chronic illness is just that: chronic. My work will never be done. That makes it even more important, then, to recognize moments of accomplishment, to celebrate small victories and to mark the passage of time. I need to nourish myself, to treat myself, in body, mind and soul. I need to remember that each day is sacred and the Lord finds joy in creation. I will find strength in the joy of the Lord.

Kate Wolfe-Jenson is a member of North Como Presbyterian church in Roseville, Minnesota. She is the author of Dancing with Monsters: Chronic Illness as Creative Transformation.