Domestic Violence and Veterans: An Increasing Problem The Rev. Bonnie M. Orth Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling, abusive, or violent behaviors used with an intimate partner. It may be physical, emotional or psychological, sexual, verbal, or financial and may include isolating the victim, minimizing, denying, blaming, and using children to control the victim. It is an issue of power and control, not of anger and losing control. Domestic violence happens in all communities and crosses all social, economic, and cultural borders. While 90 to 95% of domestic violence victims are female, there are also male victims.