'Blue Christmas’ worship offers space for lament during season of hope

LOUISVILLE — Into the singing and rejoicing that so deeply characterize Jesus’ familiar and comforting birth narrative enters a perhaps unexpected — and for some, even unnoticed — voice of lament.

Rachel weeping for her children, refusing to be comforted.

By recalling the biblical matriarch’s despair at the loss of her children in the midst of such Good News, the writer of Matthew’s Gospel poignantly illustrates with a quote from the prophet Jeremiah that hope cannot be fully appreciated or understood apart from situations of hopelessness.

Such is the reality that many PC(USA) congregations are seeking to affirm, remember and validate among their members and across their communities by offering such special services as “Blue Christmas” and “Longest Night” as a regular part of their seasonal worship schedules at this time of year.

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At New York City’s Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church, where the Rev. Werner Ramirez has served as associate pastor for Congregational Care and Family Ministries for eight years, Ramirez said that the church’s “Blue Christmas” service predates his arrival as a member of the pastoral staff.

“New York City is tough during the holiday season if you are grieving, lonely or sad,” Ramirez said. “The city is set up to feel like the movie ‘Elf’ for tourists and residents, but when you are in a funk, it just feels like noise. Some have told me they have felt like Scrooge during this season in NYC, but the reality is they are not Scrooge; they are just going through a rough time. This service allows for their feelings to be validated, to lament, and to be comforted, that there is a God and a community is with them in their grief.”

The church’s bereavement group, which meets in the fall, always concludes its 10-week experience with Blue Christmas worship, which will be held this year on Wednesday, Dec. 17, at 6:30 p.m. Eastern Time, in Fifth Avenue’s sanctuary. The service will also be available via livestream.

Ramirez explained that one tradition that is regularly incorporated into the liturgy is “a space carved out for people to come forward and light a candle, and for those who want a brief prayer with the pastoral staff, they have that there.”

Knowing that worshipers can also choose to participate virtually — which the church has offered as an option since the 2020 Covid pandemic — Ramirez and others often questioned how that part of the service would be received in a hybrid context.

“Although we wondered if this portion would feel odd online to have people watching others in pain walking down the aisle, we have heard from our online folk that it makes them feel less alone,” said Ramirez. “We have now set a Zoom prayer room during Blue Christmas for those watching live, too.”

In Hastings, Nebraska, the Rev. Greg Allen-Pickett, pastor of First Presbyterian Church, explained that since their congregation was first invited to join First Congregational United Church of Christ for an ecumenical Blue Christmas service in 2018, they have held a service every year. Because of First Presbyterian’s stronger broadcast capabilities, the service moved there during Covid, where it has been hosted in partnership with various churches ever since.

“Grief during the holiday season is uniquely heavy,” Allen-Pickett said. “While much of the world is celebrating, many people are carrying heartache, loss or unmet expectations. The Blue Christmas service creates sacred space for those who are not feeling the joy of the season. It offers a gentle, honest place to acknowledge grief and to be held by the care of the community and the comfort of Christ. The church should celebrate the good news of Christ’s birth, but it must also make room for those who are struggling — that combination is part of what makes this service so meaningful.”

Allen-Pickett identified two traditions that he said have become especially meaningful over the years to those who attend.

“First, we provide blank wooden Christmas ornaments and invite worshipers to decorate them with the name of a loved one or a memory,” he said. “These ornaments are hung on the trees in our sanctuary, where they remain through Christmas Eve. It allows people to return on Christmas Eve and feel their loved one’s presence or memory woven into the worship service.”

The second tradition involves adapting the Advent wreath for the service, renaming the candles to reflect the emotional landscape of grief during the holidays.

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“The candlelight ritual focuses on grief, courage, memories, love and ultimately the hope embodied in Christ,” said Allen-Pickett.

Like Fifth Avenue Church, which has a soloist sing “In the Bleak Midwinter,” Allen-Pickett said that the hymn with its plaintive tune and evocative text by poet Christina Rossetti has become “a beloved part of the tradition.”

“Our Blue Christmas service does not include a traditional sermon or homily,” he added. “Instead, we spend the time in prayer, song, ornament decorating, and the adapted Advent candle-lighting ritual. The service is intentionally spacious and reflective, creating room for participants to engage with their own grief and hope in the presence of God.”

For congregations considering holding a Blue Christmas service for the first time, a suggested order of worship from First Presbyterian Church, Kalamazoo, Michigan, titled “Blue Christmas: A Service of Wholeness and Healing,” is available as a download through the PC(USA) website.

Because nighttime can be especially difficult for those experiencing pain, grief or loneliness, many churches schedule their Blue Christmas or Longest Night services on or around the winter solstice — the longest night — which this year falls on Sunday, Dec. 21.

Second Presbyterian Church, Roanoke, Virginia, will hold its Longest Night Service at 6 p.m. Eastern Time on the winter solstice itself, Dec. 21, while Third Presbyterian Church in Rochester, New York, will offer a Service for the Longest Night at 7 p.m. Eastern Time on Monday, Dec. 15.

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“If someone is already struggling — with financial problems, broken relationships, unresolved grief — they are likely to find further alienation in the relentless joy and cheer of the Christmas season, particularly as it is often misconstrued in television specials and marketing campaigns,” said the Rev. Dr. David Gambrell in the PC(USA)’s office of Reformed/Constitutional Practice. “Longest Night and Blue Christmas services represent one way of responding to this significant pastoral concern.”

Gambrell is a frequent contributor to the worship and congregational life of Highland Presbyterian Church in Louisville, Kentucky, which has offered an annual Longest Night service since 2008.

In the introduction to her 2020 book from Westminster John Knox Press, “A Weary World: Reflections for a Blue Christmas,” author and pastor Kathy Escobar, writes, “There are so many of us who — for all kinds of reasons — suffer this time of year and keep longing for hope, connection, and peace in the middle of loss, chaos, and confusion; who feel the magnitude of our weary world weighing on our hearts and souls; who are wrestling with chronic pain, broken relationships, shattered dreams, fragile faith and unexpected losses. ... No matter what our circumstances are — practical or faith-based — I want to honor that this time of year can be extra hard, extra weird, and extra lonely.”

The Rev. Bill Carter, pastor and head of staff at First Presbyterian Church of Clarks Summit in Pennsylvania, said that the congregation has offered a Blue Christmas service to the community in one form or another for 15 years.

“Attendance is often sparse, yet we keep offering the service because the people who attend are those who need it most,” Carter said. “The stories shared are powerful and moving. The candles that we light together are a prophetic response to the suburban fallacy that people must grieve and suffer in isolation. We have found there is strength in solidarity. Our hearts are cracked open just enough to let in the light. And there's a whole lot of light.”