‘It’s presence over performance’
The Rev. Denise Shannon, a registered nurse for 30 years, talks about supporting soul care during later seasons of life
BOULDER, Colorado — As part of the Bridging Generations conference being offered this week by the Presbyterian Older Adult Ministries Network, the Rev. Denise Shannon, pastor of Westminster Presbyterian Church in Thornton, Colorado, a POAMN co-moderator and spiritual director and, before that, a registered nurse for 30 years, led a thoughtful talk on “Spirituality and the Older Adult: Supporting Soul Care in the Later Seasons of Life.”
“I’ve spent my whole life with adults who are older, and I have an affinity and a love for them,” Shannon said. “The stories they tell are amazing, and I love listening to stories. There is something you can find in everybody’s story that gives meaning and purpose to their life.”
Shannon differentiated between religion — organized structure that brings together beliefs, practices and rituals that people find comforting — and spirituality, that sense of connection to something or someone greater.
Spirituality matters in older age in at least four ways, she said:
- Making sense of our life’s story and legacy
- Coping with losses and transitions
- Seeking reconciliation and forgiveness
- Nurturing hope and preparing for the end of life.
“It can ease a lot of anxiety. I say that from a history of sitting with people who are dying,” she said. “Those who have some sense of faith and spirituality have less anxiety at that time than people who don’t. … They seem to be less anxious and are able to be more accepting at the end of life.”
Spiritual challenges “show up when grief abounds,” Shannon said. “Some of us do grief really well and some do not. When you have many losses, you start seeing the culmination of those losses on individuals. People start to question God’s presence. They ask, ‘what is the purpose of suffering?’ It can be unsettling. You can have the best faith in the world, and when those losses happen, it can all go out the window.”
People with cognitive decline or dementia see their lives, memory and faith practices impacted. They may ask, “am I still valuable? Am I broken because I can’t do what I used to do and I can’t remember anymore?” Shannon said. “They feel forgotten by family, friends and God.”
Shannon asked those present: what challenges do you see in your ministry context?
Memory loss and dementia, said one.
People who have lost communication with their children over lifestyle issues, said another, adding, “acceptance and forgiveness can be difficult.”
One said older adults may be ready to die, but the family is not ready for them to die. “Being in that space is often a challenge for ministry leaders,” the participant said.
A hospice chaplain who’s worked with a number of patients over 100 said they sometimes ask, “why won’t God take me now?” “It’s quite a question, and I don’t have the answer,” the chaplain said.
Shannon had a 97-year-old patient who decided to go home from the hospital to die on hospice care rather than face difficult surgery and recovery. She asked Shannon, “Why won’t God take me? I don’t want to live like this.”
“I asked her, ‘why do you think you’re still here?’” Shannon said. “If you sit and wait and listen, they’ll think through it.” The woman told Shannon, “maybe I’m not done yet. I have a new grandson and I think I’m supposed to teach him something before I go.”
Later, the woman told Shannon she hadn’t spoken to her son in 40 years. She decided to call him. They talked, and he came to visit her before she died.
“Be willing to let the question lie. Let people noodle on it,” Shannon advised. “Sometimes we aren’t given opportunity to reflect or be listened to without judgment.”
The most important thing people in ministry can do for older adults is “to offer this act of listening,” Shannon said. “We can do nothing more important than be present, willing to listen and just sit with people” because “we all like to be heard. We like to know that what we have to say and share is important.”
Affirm people’s life experiences, “even if they’re yucky,” she suggested. “It may not feel good to hear those stories, but it’s who they are. Even in the bad experiences, they might find that one joyful thing. Their life has not been wasted just because of who they are. It’s presence over performance.”
Shannon said in the past two months or so, she’s discovered that older adult ministry need not be separate from other ministry. “We are already doing this ministry in many different ways,” she said. “We might have to adapt the things we’ve already doing for these people.”
“Maybe we need to listen before we act,” she said. Older adults “have incredible richness to give us and can inform us what they need.”
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